Thanks to Grace for bringing me out of my shell.
If there is ever any proof that morons are in fact allowed to breed, there can be no more proof than the story of the Campbells from Lehigh Valley, PA. They’re in a disagreement with ShopRite because the supermarket refused to put their son’s name Adolf Hitler Campbell on a birthday cake. Yep, that’s right – they named their son after the worst mass murderer of the last century. Could there be any greater commentary about their hopes and prayers for their children – might as well skip the bottle of milk and start serving them forties of Budweiser instead and teaching him how to make a shiv. Of course their daughter JoyceLynn Aryan Natian (you can’t make this shit up) will fare no better. A stripper pole in her bedroom is the training she’ll need for her bright future.
I actually have no problem with this. Other parents out there are probably wishing it was this easy to tell what kids you want you children to avoid. It’s like putting a bright orange radioactive sticker on your kid’s forehead.
Apparently they’re upset that ShopRite refused their request (as ShopRite had done in years past – one year they requested a swastika on the cake). Yes you have a right to be a moron – but it goes both ways. ShopRite has every right to say “we don’t want you as a customer”. I can’t imagine ShopRite asking an employee to even put that on a cake. I can’t imagine these people even eating that cake. Anyway, if you’re going to name your child Adolph Hitler, or Attila the Hun, or Idi Amin – you probably should expect some repercussions. You also should probably expect your kids to be pissed at you.
One thing this story did do for me, is confirm my distaste for Walmart. I thought I needed no more reason than the fact that their new logo is a sphincter, but they’ve given me more reason. Yes – Walmart agreed to put the name on the Campbell’s birthday cake – which as I said before, is their right. Just as it’s my right to never shop there ever again.